Day 363
12/29/15
As the end of the year approaches I have SO much to look back on.
What a jam packed 363 days thus far.
I remember this exact time a year ago-I was with my family and friends preparing to embark on a new chapter. And let me say that 'that chapter' was one of the most memorable and unique years so far. A real page turner. Almost NOTHING went as planned and yet everything worked out so amazingly well.
-All the glory to God for that!-
I could say that I tried hard and studied and persevered but nothing quite connects all the puzzle pieces the way the Lord does.
Being honest, I had a tough start to the year. I had no idea what to think of starting med school this past January. Looking back, even though I thought I was prepared to begin living in a different country and starting a tough curriculum, the only 'preparation' was really learning in the moment and moving forward. I learned a lot, I was frequently disappointment in myself and to top it off, I was so focused on my fear of failure-that I was blinding any amount of faith within me.
So.... considering all of that-My prayer above all else this year was "Your will Lord." And that was and continues to be a tough prayer. It is a simple prayer that I used when I didn't know where to start and what I said again after presenting specific requests to the Lord.
The night before my last final I was completely alone in one of the study halls. It was really amazing actually. My study mates had left and no one remained in the building. I had never been alone like that in a large study hall before. Even though the initial thoughts running through my mind were "heck YES! I have the place to myself!" I sat there and realized that my success that term was a result of the amazing people I had working with and around me. Our combined efforts to help each other and teach each other made a remarkable difference. This past term ended amazing! I won't hold back on the measurable progress because I worked hard, prayed hard and definitely came out of my final exams with grades that reflected that.
In conclusion,
2016-bring it.
-M.H.-
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid-for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Post Midterm -
Oct 13
---
The week following midterms...
---
Just a few thoughts to share-
Midterms went well. I studied hard and it payed off. I am learning the truth of the saying "you reap what you sew." I have to put in the time and effort and the results will come. Easier said than done!
After exams- we took a gorgeous boat ride to another part of the island to celebrate and relax. It was perfect. The boat, the waves, the night sky, the company-it was really the most enjoyable weekend I have had because I literally had nothing that needed to get done after. Of course it rained every single day that we had off -but that didn't stop us from enjoying the beach, the city and just being outside. I HAD to get outside-I have been spending so much time in freezing cold study halls that I look as though I haven't seen the sun in ages and probably developed a vitamin D deficiency...which of course we learned all about.
Classes began again yesterday and we are back at it!
I am amazed at my interest in biochemistry. I never liked this subject -in fact I basically loathed it in college when I took a month long course of it.... but to see the complete 180 that my mind has done...it's amazing! I really think it's nothing less than a miracle! I think the main reason I enjoy it is because I get to connect the things we learn in class to what I was exposed to before medical school in regards to lab findings and drawing connections between he clinical vignettes presented in class to the ones I have actually seen. It is still tough-oh believe me I have to really work at it; does not come naturally at all-but I like what I am learning-and more importantly, I like what I am not only able to re-call but more so integrate with other subjects. Studying is similar to downloading information into a computer-I can save numerous documents and review them repeatedly, but the true test of my learning is when I have to recall the information and actually put it to use. That's the challenge!
Lastly...
Time is so critical. Some days I feel like I have all the time in the world (there are very few of these days), while other days I waste my time and wish for the clock to rewind. The time I am taking to write this could be spent doing something else-something more productive! BUT-time is going to keep going on regardless of how I wish for it to change-and I have to properly invest in the time I am allotted. Purposefully investing effort into the things and people I have committed to is not easy. It is often very challenging-however, these efforts will result in either success or failure.
.....for real
M.H
---
The week following midterms...
---
Just a few thoughts to share-
Midterms went well. I studied hard and it payed off. I am learning the truth of the saying "you reap what you sew." I have to put in the time and effort and the results will come. Easier said than done!
After exams- we took a gorgeous boat ride to another part of the island to celebrate and relax. It was perfect. The boat, the waves, the night sky, the company-it was really the most enjoyable weekend I have had because I literally had nothing that needed to get done after. Of course it rained every single day that we had off -but that didn't stop us from enjoying the beach, the city and just being outside. I HAD to get outside-I have been spending so much time in freezing cold study halls that I look as though I haven't seen the sun in ages and probably developed a vitamin D deficiency...which of course we learned all about.
Classes began again yesterday and we are back at it!
I am amazed at my interest in biochemistry. I never liked this subject -in fact I basically loathed it in college when I took a month long course of it.... but to see the complete 180 that my mind has done...it's amazing! I really think it's nothing less than a miracle! I think the main reason I enjoy it is because I get to connect the things we learn in class to what I was exposed to before medical school in regards to lab findings and drawing connections between he clinical vignettes presented in class to the ones I have actually seen. It is still tough-oh believe me I have to really work at it; does not come naturally at all-but I like what I am learning-and more importantly, I like what I am not only able to re-call but more so integrate with other subjects. Studying is similar to downloading information into a computer-I can save numerous documents and review them repeatedly, but the true test of my learning is when I have to recall the information and actually put it to use. That's the challenge!
Lastly...
Time is so critical. Some days I feel like I have all the time in the world (there are very few of these days), while other days I waste my time and wish for the clock to rewind. The time I am taking to write this could be spent doing something else-something more productive! BUT-time is going to keep going on regardless of how I wish for it to change-and I have to properly invest in the time I am allotted. Purposefully investing effort into the things and people I have committed to is not easy. It is often very challenging-however, these efforts will result in either success or failure.
M.H
Monday, September 7, 2015
The challenge and the reward
Today we had our first set of exams (mini exams) of the term. I have been working SO hard every single day. My learning style is by repetition. I have to see it, write it, speak it, listen to it... over and over and over again. Some people just seem to 'get it' and sometimes I just 'get it' however, I have attributed my studying success to this repetition-the constant exposure and practice to engrain the skill and form the solid foundation I am going to need as a future physician and current student!
So,writing the exam was something I have been anxiously awaiting as it would be a good gauge as to the effectiveness of my studying.
The test was at 0900 today and after cutting my studying off at midnight last night, I woke up early, quickly glanced over those last minute details and went to the exam where I felt pretty good for the majority of questions. There are always those concepts that I remember studying, writing down-I even remember the pages and colors-but I cannot make out the actual details in my mind that are needed to answer a particular question and that drives me nuts. NUTS! (That happened a few times today...I completely blanked on prion diseases and then jumbled the particular notes for different types of collagen and cartilage in the fore front of my mind).
After the test I knew that it had gone well and I was confident that I at least passed-but of course I wanted to do better than passing! Grades are not posted immediately. My friends and I went to the beach to 'relax'-something we have not done since before school began. It was so nice to take a breather after the work we have put in. Around here-a good weekend consists of using the extra two days of un-interuppted- 'no new information' time to study everything we have been thrown during the week in lecture. However, most (basically all) of our beach time this afternoon was spent arguing over our answers and defending why we each chose what we did. Ha-one girl kept yelling at us to 'just relax.' :) I am blessed to have such passionate study mates!
So in summation, my results came back.....good news! It was the confirmation and validation I needed. We don't get many chances to earn our points here-so the very few exams and quizzes we're given are really important. I can only thank God for how today went and more over-how the past 3 weeks have gone. It is really a daily thing. Like I said in the last post-'Repetition is the foundation of skill.' My performance is based on the things I practice over and over.
Lastly, as of now...I LOVE biochemistry!
It is my favorite class! (I hope this stays the case all term hahah). It is tough and requires time-but I love the breakthrough when I understand it-and go beyond just memorizing it. I like how it can be integrated with subjects like histology and anatomy and relating all these subjects to each other makes it more meaningful. I often think back to my undergrad days-when I took chemistry courses-ranging from general to organic-and always struggled. It is still hard-but there is something about it I like....
Ok-back to business. Next big exam is in 4 weeks with a bunch of little things in between. But those little things are additive in nature and will contribute to how I do.
Until then...!
-Prayer: Philippians 1:6 & 4:1-
So,writing the exam was something I have been anxiously awaiting as it would be a good gauge as to the effectiveness of my studying.
The test was at 0900 today and after cutting my studying off at midnight last night, I woke up early, quickly glanced over those last minute details and went to the exam where I felt pretty good for the majority of questions. There are always those concepts that I remember studying, writing down-I even remember the pages and colors-but I cannot make out the actual details in my mind that are needed to answer a particular question and that drives me nuts. NUTS! (That happened a few times today...I completely blanked on prion diseases and then jumbled the particular notes for different types of collagen and cartilage in the fore front of my mind).
After the test I knew that it had gone well and I was confident that I at least passed-but of course I wanted to do better than passing! Grades are not posted immediately. My friends and I went to the beach to 'relax'-something we have not done since before school began. It was so nice to take a breather after the work we have put in. Around here-a good weekend consists of using the extra two days of un-interuppted- 'no new information' time to study everything we have been thrown during the week in lecture. However, most (basically all) of our beach time this afternoon was spent arguing over our answers and defending why we each chose what we did. Ha-one girl kept yelling at us to 'just relax.' :) I am blessed to have such passionate study mates!
So in summation, my results came back.....good news! It was the confirmation and validation I needed. We don't get many chances to earn our points here-so the very few exams and quizzes we're given are really important. I can only thank God for how today went and more over-how the past 3 weeks have gone. It is really a daily thing. Like I said in the last post-'Repetition is the foundation of skill.' My performance is based on the things I practice over and over.
Lastly, as of now...I LOVE biochemistry!
It is my favorite class! (I hope this stays the case all term hahah). It is tough and requires time-but I love the breakthrough when I understand it-and go beyond just memorizing it. I like how it can be integrated with subjects like histology and anatomy and relating all these subjects to each other makes it more meaningful. I often think back to my undergrad days-when I took chemistry courses-ranging from general to organic-and always struggled. It is still hard-but there is something about it I like....
Ok-back to business. Next big exam is in 4 weeks with a bunch of little things in between. But those little things are additive in nature and will contribute to how I do.
Until then...!
-Prayer: Philippians 1:6 & 4:1-
Friday, August 28, 2015
Wow -time flies
2 weeks into school.
Time is flying by. 2 weeks have been like a mist-gone almost immediately after noticing that they happened.
I keep thinking back to the start of last term and how this term feels entirely different- in a good way. Good study group, good routine, good attitude.
Liking biochem a lot, tolerating histo.
Beyond blessed with study mates who I work well with. We hit the ground running from the get go and share the goal of not only doing well-but also learning the information for life and not just for the test (although that is required). Speaking of tests....we have one in a week.
Beyond blessed in general.
"Repetition is the foundation of skill."
Very-very true. The more I expose myself to the information-the more familiar it becomes.
Campus is a busy place lately-however I have found my own 'path' in term of getting where I need to go and seeing who I need to see because I have a more insightful perspective of things this term. It's amazing that the advice given 6 months ago is being used now-but that is how it goes...
-----
i always want what i cant have.
always
…thinking this is a sign of being ungrateful. Not thankful for what i do have.
maybe if i start thanking You for the blessings You have been gracious enough to give me even when I don't deserve them, I will be less distracted by the things I think I need and want and learn to be content and joyful with what I have already...
--
Prayers appreciated and needed.
tired.
good night.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Back for more! August 2015
-Grenada. August 2015-
I love surprises...but this was not a good surprise:
Monday, August 10th at 10:22pm while casually packing my suitcase for another term of school, I looked at my ticket and realized that my flight was departing on August 11th at 12:30am.... in TWO hours...
Heart attack.
I had made the mistake of not seeing that the departure time was 12:30am...AM...
In my defense I usually use military time...I hate excuses...but anyways, there is my excuse. I own up to the fact that I seriously misread that ticket.
I felt my heart drop to my stomach (this is a sensation that intrigues me as does the saying) and called my parents informing them of this terrifying realization. I was supposed to already be at the airport, checked in, gone through security and long done with packing. Instead, I was panicking that I was going to miss my flight.
My family-being truly amazing-helped me stuff what necessities I needed into my bags. We raced out of the house, loaded the truck and sped to the airport. Of course there was traffic, road construction and a police was driving in front of us for a quarter of the time. We arrived at SEA-Tac at approximately 11:40pm thinking that this night might actually end reasonably. While unloading my baggage, my heart sank once again as I noticed a bag was missing. And of course not just any bag...The bag with all my school supplies and 'me things.' And food. Knowing that there was no time, I cut as many people in security and got to my gate with literally minutes to spare, boarded, proceeded to have 2 layovers, sit in the plane in Miami's terminal in the last seat (next to the bathroom) for three hours before departing, then arrive to Grenada at an ungodly hour only to be charged a massive amount of tax on my electronics. Still a little bitter if that's not apparent. Upon arriving to my room on campus, I realized that the past 24 hours had happened in a way that was so far from any agenda I had.
But here's the thing that I was recently told and can apply to that night and many more to come.
"Suck it up. Stop getting upset about it. Don't let whatever 'it' is compromise your studies. Don't rely on a second chance. Stop complaining, just study, just do it. Let it go and go learn."
AMEN.
I wrote those words down and like being 'told' that whenever I look at the sticky note that holds them on my wall. Not the most encouraging quote or phrase to read-but definitely straight forward and true. And sometimes that is exactly the reality that I need. (Of everyone, my mother is the type of woman to tell me things like this and I know she'd appreciate this).
Moving on....
---
School starts Monday.
Honestly looking forward to it.
It won't be easy. It will be challenging. But I am here to work. Nothing new there.
Being here -in this specific setting-helps me focus on working hard. Studying at home was harder-but I have gotten into that working mode upon arriving here in GND.
I have made a few promises to myself for this term. Many of those promises are regarding my time and how I am going to study. I have some friends who are going to keep me accountable to those promises and appreciate that they are as serious about doing well too.
----
Quick trip down memory lane...
Good summer.
Shadowed in a pediatric ER-found this to be difficult yet fun. I found myself relating pediatricians to veterinarians as they have to de-code 2 year old language and maneuvers that are not much different in sound or appearance than those of a dog.
Example: one of the kids was a 3 year old autistic boy with ill defined leg pain and limping. The differential was quite broad according to the doctor and his physical exam was not very conclusive. My question: Where do you start when all you get is an 'ouch' and some tears? I find this to be difficult because not only do you want to care for the child, but cater to the very concerned parent who was clearly scared enough to have brought him into the ER. The doctor started with imaging studies-of which she had to discuss radiation exposure and risk with his mother who is scared as to why he's in pain yet needs to act as his advocate to his well being and future health as well as understand the testing that is recommended and reasons why. So many factors to consider-it's amazing.
Not sure if I could do peds...Not sure why I am hesitant in regards to this age group...
They were always my favorite patients when working in the general ER, however, it was a little strange only seeing children (ours were mainly ages <1 year to 10 when shadowing at the Seattle Children's Hospital). I did notice the overwhelming concern of the childrens' parents and rightly so. Imagine if your child, especially your one and only child, choking or falling or if they stopped breathing or being in a car accident...life stops for a moment and they feel helpless as parents. That's scary even for me as the witness to this -but as the parent...I can only imagine.
This shadowing experience was also helpful in regards to learning the different routes that one can take to pursue a career in emergency medicine and a traditional EM residency is not the only way to end up as an ER doc. This was very interesting and valuable knowledge to gain.
---
Closing thought...It's been quite the journey since January and I am praying that the Lord continues to guide me as the term develops.
With that said...Onto my last day before the real work begins...
Until next time.
Romans 14: 8
I love surprises...but this was not a good surprise:
Monday, August 10th at 10:22pm while casually packing my suitcase for another term of school, I looked at my ticket and realized that my flight was departing on August 11th at 12:30am.... in TWO hours...
Heart attack.
I had made the mistake of not seeing that the departure time was 12:30am...AM...
In my defense I usually use military time...I hate excuses...but anyways, there is my excuse. I own up to the fact that I seriously misread that ticket.
I felt my heart drop to my stomach (this is a sensation that intrigues me as does the saying) and called my parents informing them of this terrifying realization. I was supposed to already be at the airport, checked in, gone through security and long done with packing. Instead, I was panicking that I was going to miss my flight.
My family-being truly amazing-helped me stuff what necessities I needed into my bags. We raced out of the house, loaded the truck and sped to the airport. Of course there was traffic, road construction and a police was driving in front of us for a quarter of the time. We arrived at SEA-Tac at approximately 11:40pm thinking that this night might actually end reasonably. While unloading my baggage, my heart sank once again as I noticed a bag was missing. And of course not just any bag...The bag with all my school supplies and 'me things.' And food. Knowing that there was no time, I cut as many people in security and got to my gate with literally minutes to spare, boarded, proceeded to have 2 layovers, sit in the plane in Miami's terminal in the last seat (next to the bathroom) for three hours before departing, then arrive to Grenada at an ungodly hour only to be charged a massive amount of tax on my electronics. Still a little bitter if that's not apparent. Upon arriving to my room on campus, I realized that the past 24 hours had happened in a way that was so far from any agenda I had.
But here's the thing that I was recently told and can apply to that night and many more to come.
"Suck it up. Stop getting upset about it. Don't let whatever 'it' is compromise your studies. Don't rely on a second chance. Stop complaining, just study, just do it. Let it go and go learn."
AMEN.
I wrote those words down and like being 'told' that whenever I look at the sticky note that holds them on my wall. Not the most encouraging quote or phrase to read-but definitely straight forward and true. And sometimes that is exactly the reality that I need. (Of everyone, my mother is the type of woman to tell me things like this and I know she'd appreciate this).
Moving on....
---
School starts Monday.
Honestly looking forward to it.
It won't be easy. It will be challenging. But I am here to work. Nothing new there.
Being here -in this specific setting-helps me focus on working hard. Studying at home was harder-but I have gotten into that working mode upon arriving here in GND.
I have made a few promises to myself for this term. Many of those promises are regarding my time and how I am going to study. I have some friends who are going to keep me accountable to those promises and appreciate that they are as serious about doing well too.
----
Quick trip down memory lane...
Good summer.
Shadowed in a pediatric ER-found this to be difficult yet fun. I found myself relating pediatricians to veterinarians as they have to de-code 2 year old language and maneuvers that are not much different in sound or appearance than those of a dog.
Example: one of the kids was a 3 year old autistic boy with ill defined leg pain and limping. The differential was quite broad according to the doctor and his physical exam was not very conclusive. My question: Where do you start when all you get is an 'ouch' and some tears? I find this to be difficult because not only do you want to care for the child, but cater to the very concerned parent who was clearly scared enough to have brought him into the ER. The doctor started with imaging studies-of which she had to discuss radiation exposure and risk with his mother who is scared as to why he's in pain yet needs to act as his advocate to his well being and future health as well as understand the testing that is recommended and reasons why. So many factors to consider-it's amazing.
Not sure if I could do peds...Not sure why I am hesitant in regards to this age group...
They were always my favorite patients when working in the general ER, however, it was a little strange only seeing children (ours were mainly ages <1 year to 10 when shadowing at the Seattle Children's Hospital). I did notice the overwhelming concern of the childrens' parents and rightly so. Imagine if your child, especially your one and only child, choking or falling or if they stopped breathing or being in a car accident...life stops for a moment and they feel helpless as parents. That's scary even for me as the witness to this -but as the parent...I can only imagine.
This shadowing experience was also helpful in regards to learning the different routes that one can take to pursue a career in emergency medicine and a traditional EM residency is not the only way to end up as an ER doc. This was very interesting and valuable knowledge to gain.
---
Closing thought...It's been quite the journey since January and I am praying that the Lord continues to guide me as the term develops.
With that said...Onto my last day before the real work begins...
Until next time.
Romans 14: 8
Monday, June 8, 2015
1/16 of the journey complete
This particular blog posting has been in the drafts stage for over a month now...every few days, I sit/lay down to write out my thoughts-but instead, I end upnot transcribing my thoughts and another day passes. So, just for the sake of completion, I figured I would add a conclusion to the "first term of medical school" blog thoughts...
It's hard to write a "conclusion" when I am no where near completion. I am still stitching my thoughts together. I write- and wrote- mainly for my own processing and only shared the tippy top of the ice berg in terms of my thoughts (my personal journal from January includes 35,000 words of what really happened in Grenada). You'd like to know huh?!
Here is a QUICK summation of the past month...
Studying: Last 3-4 weeks of the term were GREAT-tough- but good.
My study group and I really pushed each other. They became my little family-the people I spent all my time with-and with the exception of sleeping-we were basically together all the time. Come August, we will definitely hit the ground running from the start.
Living situation: I remember the first day I walked into my dorm room-I had been living in a private and large loft before school-and when I first opened my dorm door-to the small space that would be my home-I was shocked. It was almost funny at how small of a space I was greeted by. Well, 5 months later, that hole in the wall measuring 8x12 of my own feet became a place that I loved coming back to to recharge after long days. It's amazing what downsizing and simplifying can do-It was my space and that was enough. I am in 'my room' now but I miss my island room-I miss my island routine. I had my notebooks, bed, clothes, running shoes, a swim suite and my computer and slept soundly each night. My secret? I prayed-I pray. I have 1 Thessalonians 5:17 on constant repeat in my mind. I pray for school, people, family, money, my future, my present; everything.
Post midterm information included head and neck, lower limb and pelvis. Each area was somewhat interesting to me -however, my favorite topics were pre-midterm systems.
The final exam-very difficult. I waited 5 days for my results-and you can only imagine the stress of trying to enjoy being "done" all while not knowing how I did. Things ended better than expected! Of note-students at SGU must maintain a weight mean GPA of 75%+ to continue through school-when compared to students who must maintain approximately 69% to pass at schools in the USA. Interesting...
Going 'home': I flew standby home-which was a 2 week process...leaving Grenada was initially the issue-then getting stuck in Miami and LA...but I am home and believe it or not-I miss the island more than I expected I would. I mainly miss the beach. I can't quite articulate it yet-but the ocean is one of the few places I never get tired of looking out into-I am missing that the most while being home.
Upon returning home I have talked with family, friends and mentors about Grenada and school and even though I complain and talk about how things should be different down there (lack of infrastructure on the island, financial and health care and accessibility issues, politics, safety and education, public health, ignorance vs arrogance, organization and lack of, the ridiculous cost of receiving an education-specifically two letters that hold much responsibility , the way Americans act in comparison to other cultures and the differences in our standards and values, why school is organized the way it is, why some students partake in unhealthy habits to get through school, how a 3 year old Grenadian girl can independently get herself around the city without issue while I observed helicopter mothers/wives of my classmates children) -despite all of the craziness -there is really no where else I can see myself living or receiving this type of education.
I recently learned of some friends being accepted to OHSU and while that was always where I saw myself-my perspective has since changed in regards to the school I thought I would attend. I am not just content-but am now confident in where I am at. Yes, I face some issues and will face challenges attending a school outside the USA-but after having spent 150 days with students representing 98 countries, there are systems of education, health care, government and infrastructure that are good and are not American and I fully embrace that. BUT- it's all relative to the person, situation and moment in time. "A change in place plus a change in pace = a change in perspective" is the phrase that continually sweeps across the forefront of my mind and I know that the past 6 months are a direct result of being in Grenada and attending SGU. At this point, my interest is still mainly emergency medicine. I like thrills. I get bored fast. I like not knowing what will happen and responding in a moment.
I am excited for August 2015 to come. I just know that something good is coming and something good is in the making.
-M.H-
Friday, May 1, 2015
Week 14-15
The final exam for the term is approaching...T-10 days.
Things are clicking in regards to head and neck content and I am thankful to be experiencing that. I just pray that everything comes together in the next week. I really am praying for everything to be ready within 7 days and have the remaining 3 days to brush up on the little details. I don't know if this is reasonable-but I really pray for this and would love any and all prayer.
---
I met up with an upper term student today who is very smart and was willing to take some time to work through some anatomy concepts with me. I feel like I have been blessed by specific people who I have met and been able to study with throughout the term. Each one comes at just the right time. Sometimes I wish I had met them sooner and could have been working with them all along...
I came with questions on a few specific nerves of the head and neck and autonomics. After 22 minutes of discussion-I felt like a lightbulb had finally gone off over my head-he said he saw it. I think it was the 1001st time I had been told the same information-but something clicked. Thank God.
I then returned to my studying with my classmate and was able to articulate how the extra ocular muscles/nerves would be affected by various lesions and what the clinical manifestations would be. I am usually the one who is being taught and having things explained to me-but this turn of events-me explaining something to her-felt really good for once. I finally grasped a concept well enough to explain it to someone and have them understand it and it showed my growth in understanding it too.
I then went on to reviewing my questions for head and neck and approached each question with a calmer state of mind. My time with the upper term student was really helpful-more so than he probably knows-because I left feeling calm, confident and reminded myself that "just thinking through" the information to arrive to the right answer is how I should approach each question. However-he also stressed the following idea: "knowing how to eliminate the incorrect answers." I feel like this is just as important as knowing how to identify the right answer.
I am praying that all the studying will pay off and that I can sit down during the test and know that I know I am prepared and have put in the effort to understand the information.
At the end of the day-I have a desire to do well and progress.
I want to be a doctor.
I want to learn.
...and for some reason- I wake up everyday and have the opportunity to choose how to spend my time. Being here has done a wonder on my mind, heart and general outlook of many things and I cannot help but think that it's all shaping who I am and who I am becoming.
-M.H-
I am keeping this verse in the forefront of my mind: "Jesus looked at them and said-"with man this is impossible-but with God-all things are possible."
Things are clicking in regards to head and neck content and I am thankful to be experiencing that. I just pray that everything comes together in the next week. I really am praying for everything to be ready within 7 days and have the remaining 3 days to brush up on the little details. I don't know if this is reasonable-but I really pray for this and would love any and all prayer.
---
I met up with an upper term student today who is very smart and was willing to take some time to work through some anatomy concepts with me. I feel like I have been blessed by specific people who I have met and been able to study with throughout the term. Each one comes at just the right time. Sometimes I wish I had met them sooner and could have been working with them all along...
I came with questions on a few specific nerves of the head and neck and autonomics. After 22 minutes of discussion-I felt like a lightbulb had finally gone off over my head-he said he saw it. I think it was the 1001st time I had been told the same information-but something clicked. Thank God.
I then returned to my studying with my classmate and was able to articulate how the extra ocular muscles/nerves would be affected by various lesions and what the clinical manifestations would be. I am usually the one who is being taught and having things explained to me-but this turn of events-me explaining something to her-felt really good for once. I finally grasped a concept well enough to explain it to someone and have them understand it and it showed my growth in understanding it too.
I then went on to reviewing my questions for head and neck and approached each question with a calmer state of mind. My time with the upper term student was really helpful-more so than he probably knows-because I left feeling calm, confident and reminded myself that "just thinking through" the information to arrive to the right answer is how I should approach each question. However-he also stressed the following idea: "knowing how to eliminate the incorrect answers." I feel like this is just as important as knowing how to identify the right answer.
I am praying that all the studying will pay off and that I can sit down during the test and know that I know I am prepared and have put in the effort to understand the information.
At the end of the day-I have a desire to do well and progress.
I want to be a doctor.
I want to learn.
...and for some reason- I wake up everyday and have the opportunity to choose how to spend my time. Being here has done a wonder on my mind, heart and general outlook of many things and I cannot help but think that it's all shaping who I am and who I am becoming.
-M.H-
I am keeping this verse in the forefront of my mind: "Jesus looked at them and said-"with man this is impossible-but with God-all things are possible."
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Health Fair- A reminder and a really good time
Health Fair with AMSA- April 18, 2015
I joined AMSA (American Medical Student Association) a week ago with the intention of getting involved in one particular event-the health fair. This weekend, medical students and veterinary students traveled to the most norther part of the island to put on a health fair for the Grenadian people and their pets. It was a great experience!
I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep before waking up to catch a bus and head out to the town of St. Patrick's. I soon forgot about how tired I was as I took in the atmosphere around me. The fair took place at a school that was very old and very european in character. Gorgeous in a rugged and historic way. AMSA set up station outside under a large tent with tables for intake of patients, history, review of systems, blood pressure and vitals, blood sugar readings, vision and hearing testing and then they were passed along to the doctors in the school. Up until this point, my medical exposure has always been in clean clinics and hospitals -or at least "modern" buildings with separate patient rooms and a variety of medical tech equipment. It is safe to say that this fair was run by people and brains and even though technology has a necessary component in the field of medicine, not one computer-besides our smart phones- which don't work anyhow, was within the premises.
I loved talking with the people-I spoke one on one with men and women from 20 years to 89 years of age and one 17 year old boy. The pediatric cases were triaged to the pediatric club. Most of the complaints I encountered were mainly centered around vision problems, diabetes, hypertension and sexually transmitted diseases-in that order. I had to quickly learn to ask the patients if they had "problems with sugar or pressure" as many would say they had no diseases but take medication for "sugar or pressure." It was interesting at how honest the patients were I talked with about their alcohol use, sexual activity and psychiatric health (these were all parts of our history taking) because when I documented histories back home-it felt like people were not usually upfront with these particular topics. Yesterday, I learned that it's not uncommon to start having kids when you are young as a Grenadian and then subsequently have 7, 11 or more kids. When asking women about pap smears and breast exams, they looked at me as though I spoke another language; yet when I asked about having received STD testing, the majority had undergone these and many times over their life. I talked with patients who were more concerned with their vision problems than they were with the potential of having a STD. Which makes sense if you think about it-vision directly affects their everyday lives. However, they had many partners and the majority don't use any form of protection. It was just interesting to me-but also sad. I think preventative medicine would be beneficial to the island. I alternated between many of the stations, sometimes just staying with my particular patient at that time and moving with them to each station where I proceeded to perform each test/exam. I cannot remember how many patients we saw-but it was in the hundreds. It was amazing-at one point I was sitting next to a young Grenadian teenager under the tent and the rain was falling just inches from us and his mom was undergoing an exam as well while their dogs and goats were feet away from us being examined simultaneously. I still don't know a word to describe that feeling. If you could see my face right now, I am still sifting through my thoughts of the entire day.
It was sunny, HOT and humid all day-besides that moment of rain-but I really enjoyed myself. I was able to practice communicating with people and that was my favorite part-talking to them and observing them. All in all, it was a good motivator to study and learn. I came home TIRED-but in a really good way-and I proceeded to study for the remainder of the night with those memories in the back of my mind.
Lastly, God's plans are far greater than mine. I don't give Him enough credit. It is all because of Him that I have been blessed with these opportunities and I just pray that my faith-which often feels like the size of a mustarded- is enough to keep pushing forward.
-M.H-
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Week 11-12-13
Week 12-13...
"A change in place and a change in pace = a change in perspective"
So much has happened in the past few weeks- it has been tough to keep track of everything!.... time is FLYING by-I am amazed at how fast the days and weeks go. One month until finals...
We have moved on to studying the head and neck from the lower limb. The lab for lower limb was not overly difficult and I think it has been almost as straight forward as the information pertaining to the back. I hope this is the case for the final exam! Head and neck....well I have a lot to study.
I am continuing to change my study habits-and this experimentation process has been working out well. I have a number of people-all with various ways to study-that I meet with on a one on one basis or in a 3 person setting and find these sessions to be very helpful. We are able to talk through the information and share ideas of how to understand concepts. Up until a few weeks ago, I had been meeting with the same group repeatedly-however this new variety in study people/groups-has been much more beneficial.
The more I meet with these people-the more I want to learn. This schooling process is a developing combination of individual curiosity, grit and resilience along with necessary teamwork. I am driven to learn because of my own interest in the material but I am driven to study because of the motivation and dedication that I see in my friends and classmates.
My individual study time therefore is more focused and effective because the group study time brings attention to the areas that I am lacking in knowledge. I spend the majority of my time in the anatomy lab and start my mornings in there. It is my favorite place to be besides the beach. I always leave the lab knowing more than when I arrived and I always leave with new questions and things to research to further my understanding. Looking at the different bodies and how they are similar and different from each other is a good way to ensure that I can identify structures on a variety of people. Just thinking about it makes me feel good. Hahah. I told my roommate that I view going to the lab like going "to the spa" because it calms me, slows me heart rate and relaxes me" she looked at me like I was crazy and said those are likely effects of the formaldehyde. We had a good laugh.
One of the visiting professors last week was from Oregon and was AMAZING. It was a blessing to have connected with him because he introduced me to the head and neck and I cannot think of a better person to have taught me the basics of head and neck. He was a doctor and anatomist that works at OHSU and COMP-NW of all places! That was a very cool interaction as we know the same people in Oregon and are from the same area-what a small world! It just made me realize that of all the places and times-we met here and now. The timing of things is amazing.
I recently went on a hike (hash) on the northern part of the island and it was one of the best experiences I have had since being here. We traveled to the town of Victoria-which is not as "manicured" as St. George's and is appears more mountainous than the beachy area that I live in. It was a great way to fulfill that sense of exploration that I was craving and it was a good workout. We were trudging through the jungle on no formally made path over looking the beach. I felt like I wasn't even on the island/on campus because the change in scenery was so dramatic. It was nice to "stop thinking" and just hike and sweat and laugh and have to figure out the hiking trail with complete strangers who became new friends. Small gatherings of shredded paper were the trail markers and were placed in coconuts or street stumps. This was unlike any hike I have every been on! We saw nutmeg, pineapple, coconuts, some Grenadian fruits I cannot spell, limes, bananas, goats, dogs and a donkey. We jumped over rocks, slid down muddy paths, tripped over huge tree roots and strained our necks looking up at the huge palm trees. It was gorgeous to say the least.
For the hundreds of hours spent studying, breaks like this are important. Sometimes people at home don't realize that a picture at the beach or out to lunch was just a moment in the week. I am in "paradise," but I also spend much of my time looking at cadavers, books, models, lectures, paper, etc. as opposed to the beach. The beauty however, is that I do have those beautiful beach sunsets to look up at from my studies.
Lastly, I know that God has been so present here-from the people I meet at just the right time, to the way information connects at just the right moment -to the moments of grace I experience on a daily basis whether it be in a question, quiz, interaction, ect. It is through Him that I find my strength, confidence, focus and endurance.
-M.H-
PS-
Even though the studying is going better-I still always feel like there is more to know and this feeling can be very frustrating. People around me always say "we have learned so much" and I agree-but still feel like "there is still SO much to learn..."
My learning style -which was always very linear-has had to adapt to a more integrative approach. I liked this quote from a book on medical school student learning personalities:
I know this is true because I have been undergoing this process since week 1, 3,5, 10, now and will likely continue to develop my learning style.
"A change in place and a change in pace = a change in perspective"
So much has happened in the past few weeks- it has been tough to keep track of everything!.... time is FLYING by-I am amazed at how fast the days and weeks go. One month until finals...
We have moved on to studying the head and neck from the lower limb. The lab for lower limb was not overly difficult and I think it has been almost as straight forward as the information pertaining to the back. I hope this is the case for the final exam! Head and neck....well I have a lot to study.
I am continuing to change my study habits-and this experimentation process has been working out well. I have a number of people-all with various ways to study-that I meet with on a one on one basis or in a 3 person setting and find these sessions to be very helpful. We are able to talk through the information and share ideas of how to understand concepts. Up until a few weeks ago, I had been meeting with the same group repeatedly-however this new variety in study people/groups-has been much more beneficial.
The more I meet with these people-the more I want to learn. This schooling process is a developing combination of individual curiosity, grit and resilience along with necessary teamwork. I am driven to learn because of my own interest in the material but I am driven to study because of the motivation and dedication that I see in my friends and classmates.
My individual study time therefore is more focused and effective because the group study time brings attention to the areas that I am lacking in knowledge. I spend the majority of my time in the anatomy lab and start my mornings in there. It is my favorite place to be besides the beach. I always leave the lab knowing more than when I arrived and I always leave with new questions and things to research to further my understanding. Looking at the different bodies and how they are similar and different from each other is a good way to ensure that I can identify structures on a variety of people. Just thinking about it makes me feel good. Hahah. I told my roommate that I view going to the lab like going "to the spa" because it calms me, slows me heart rate and relaxes me" she looked at me like I was crazy and said those are likely effects of the formaldehyde. We had a good laugh.
One of the visiting professors last week was from Oregon and was AMAZING. It was a blessing to have connected with him because he introduced me to the head and neck and I cannot think of a better person to have taught me the basics of head and neck. He was a doctor and anatomist that works at OHSU and COMP-NW of all places! That was a very cool interaction as we know the same people in Oregon and are from the same area-what a small world! It just made me realize that of all the places and times-we met here and now. The timing of things is amazing.
I recently went on a hike (hash) on the northern part of the island and it was one of the best experiences I have had since being here. We traveled to the town of Victoria-which is not as "manicured" as St. George's and is appears more mountainous than the beachy area that I live in. It was a great way to fulfill that sense of exploration that I was craving and it was a good workout. We were trudging through the jungle on no formally made path over looking the beach. I felt like I wasn't even on the island/on campus because the change in scenery was so dramatic. It was nice to "stop thinking" and just hike and sweat and laugh and have to figure out the hiking trail with complete strangers who became new friends. Small gatherings of shredded paper were the trail markers and were placed in coconuts or street stumps. This was unlike any hike I have every been on! We saw nutmeg, pineapple, coconuts, some Grenadian fruits I cannot spell, limes, bananas, goats, dogs and a donkey. We jumped over rocks, slid down muddy paths, tripped over huge tree roots and strained our necks looking up at the huge palm trees. It was gorgeous to say the least.
For the hundreds of hours spent studying, breaks like this are important. Sometimes people at home don't realize that a picture at the beach or out to lunch was just a moment in the week. I am in "paradise," but I also spend much of my time looking at cadavers, books, models, lectures, paper, etc. as opposed to the beach. The beauty however, is that I do have those beautiful beach sunsets to look up at from my studies.
Lastly, I know that God has been so present here-from the people I meet at just the right time, to the way information connects at just the right moment -to the moments of grace I experience on a daily basis whether it be in a question, quiz, interaction, ect. It is through Him that I find my strength, confidence, focus and endurance.
-M.H-
PS-
Even though the studying is going better-I still always feel like there is more to know and this feeling can be very frustrating. People around me always say "we have learned so much" and I agree-but still feel like "there is still SO much to learn..."
My learning style -which was always very linear-has had to adapt to a more integrative approach. I liked this quote from a book on medical school student learning personalities:
- The skills of the polar opposites can be learned without requiring you to undergo a personality change
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Week 10
Week 10
- I really like living in Grenada and being a student here.
- I strongly dislike the pelvic/perineal system.
- We have moved on to learning the lower limb- I find the knee particularly interesting in regards to injury and structure. Upper limb was hard for me so I am going to try my hardest to understand lower limb.
- I am in a new AEP (academic enhancement program) anatomy group (a review group that meets weekly to go over high yield concepts). The new group is amazing and the facilitators teach the information very well. We have had 2 weeks of information since the midterm however our first post exam AEP group was last night-I had been feeling good with the majority of content. This was confirmed in the group review when I was able to follow the information being discussed/taught.
- I am still having issues however with the nervous innervation for some areas/structures and this along with lymph drainage is highly emphasized for pelvis and perineum so I need to focus on these areas tomorrow. My plan is to really get this down by the end of the weekend.
- I have been attending all the lectures and even though there are a lot of mixed opinions about going to lecture vs watching it online-I have chosen to start physically going again since the midterm and so far, feel like this is a good decision. It forces me to pay close attention in real time and disables me from pausing a million times. I use the lecture as a "tour" to the information -however, the majority of my learning is done using Gray's Review questions and going to wet lab along with the professor's biweekly review sessions.
- This week I met with a new friend to discuss the topics and quiz each other on the pelvis and perineum and this was very effective. I normally review with a group (of which is great!), however, one on one is more my style and I was able to learn where the gaps of my information are in regards to content or critical thinking strategy. We are meeting again this weekend to review the imaging slides so I am looking forward to that! I like my review group-but I like having a variety of people to study with and gain something with each person and method I study from.
- I joined the surgery club and tonight we had a suture session. This was so awesome! I loved everything about it. We practiced on sponges initially then went across the lab and sutured up cadavers. I worked on a leg laceration and thought life couldn't get any better than standing there, suturing up the leg and listening to the music that was playing in the lab. I worked alongside a student from Grenada and we talked about other ways to get involved. These types of events remind me why I have chosen this career and really motivate me to study hard because I want to be the doctor suturing someone someday. I kept practicing the technique for the simple interrupted suture while some of the other students did other types of more complex sutures. I am looking forward to the next session in 3 weeks.
- Then I got sick. I think it is food poisoning and am feeling better but have learned to never again eat meat from one of the student restaurants on campus. I knew better but got sloppy and decided to order from them again...Do you have any idea of the running differential diagnosis that went through my head upon onset of my symptoms? I thought of everything I knew before medical school plus everything I have learned since being here.
Overall it has been a good week with lots of running and studying and about a hundred little stories that can be shared during a conversation... :)
good link for suture types:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFwFMav_cpE
good link for an amazing sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bLgDoFkdqo
Until next time...
-M.H.-
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Week 8-9
March 17, 2015
Week 8-9
Recap of last week...Week 8
Last Friday was my anatomy midterm. We were tested on the following topics: back (interesting enough), upper limb (dislike this very much), thorax (love this very much) and abdomen (really enjoyed it-no complaints).
First of all-it was totally because of the Lord that I did as well as I did on the exam. I went into that test feeling at peace and left feeling good about it-both the written and the practical portion.
I knew the information to answer the questions, with the exception of some (which was a little scary) but the best part about the exam was leaving and knowing exactly how to proceed with my studies. That in and of itself was a very refreshing realization because it confirmed that my study habits leading to the midterm were working and now I know what to continue doing and what to supplement in my studies.
It basically comes down to questions...constant quizzing and testing of the information-repetedly.
The questions are not first order questions-rather, they are given as a clinical vignette and you have to sort through the information for the pertinent details and be able to pick out the actual question in the stem of information and choose the appropriate answer.
My time scribing gave me an upper hand when facing these types of questions because I am used to writing out a patient's story from the beginning and seeing the findings unfold into a full story. With these questions however, it is easier because I am given all of the information and need to know how to sort through it. These questions, at least for this term, give me all the information-I just need to know my anatomy properly to answer them. And what is anatomy? I am becoming convinced it really boils down to structure and function. If I know the structure and it's function, I should be able to deduce what happens if and when the structure becomes impaired and how it will subsequently function.
How to proceed with the term?
Questions, questions questions, more lab time, more quizzing with other people and more self testing. Very doable. Tough. But doable.
How to ensure I am on track?
Accountability -with myself, my classmates and my advisors. Tough-but doable as well.
Week 9
Today was almost like a Day 1 all over again-only this time, I actually know what I am doing and what to expect and am coming with a perspective that is entirely different than the one I had 2 months ago. We are starting in on pelvis then headed to lower limb (We did have an hour of a heart ultrasound session today which was really cool-but I cannot help but feel like I am looking at a static TV screen and having to pick out various vessels and chambers...)
In conclusion...The midterm exam helped bring clarity to a lot and reaffirmed a lot in regards to how I need to proceed with the remainder of the term.
On a side note: I have had some post exam fun! (Fish market in the city-got to see more of the island, met more locals, took a few long walks on the beach-at various times during the day and have seen some amazing sunsets, swam in the ocean-favorite place to be, collected more shells, was serenaded by a rasta guitar man, tried new local food and tasted a few foods that reminded me of home, strengthened a few friendships, gone on some good runs, prayed a lot and talked with friends and mentors back home)
Talk to you in a week.
-M.H-
Week 8-9
Recap of last week...Week 8
Last Friday was my anatomy midterm. We were tested on the following topics: back (interesting enough), upper limb (dislike this very much), thorax (love this very much) and abdomen (really enjoyed it-no complaints).
First of all-it was totally because of the Lord that I did as well as I did on the exam. I went into that test feeling at peace and left feeling good about it-both the written and the practical portion.
I knew the information to answer the questions, with the exception of some (which was a little scary) but the best part about the exam was leaving and knowing exactly how to proceed with my studies. That in and of itself was a very refreshing realization because it confirmed that my study habits leading to the midterm were working and now I know what to continue doing and what to supplement in my studies.
It basically comes down to questions...constant quizzing and testing of the information-repetedly.
The questions are not first order questions-rather, they are given as a clinical vignette and you have to sort through the information for the pertinent details and be able to pick out the actual question in the stem of information and choose the appropriate answer.
My time scribing gave me an upper hand when facing these types of questions because I am used to writing out a patient's story from the beginning and seeing the findings unfold into a full story. With these questions however, it is easier because I am given all of the information and need to know how to sort through it. These questions, at least for this term, give me all the information-I just need to know my anatomy properly to answer them. And what is anatomy? I am becoming convinced it really boils down to structure and function. If I know the structure and it's function, I should be able to deduce what happens if and when the structure becomes impaired and how it will subsequently function.
How to proceed with the term?
Questions, questions questions, more lab time, more quizzing with other people and more self testing. Very doable. Tough. But doable.
How to ensure I am on track?
Accountability -with myself, my classmates and my advisors. Tough-but doable as well.
Week 9
Today was almost like a Day 1 all over again-only this time, I actually know what I am doing and what to expect and am coming with a perspective that is entirely different than the one I had 2 months ago. We are starting in on pelvis then headed to lower limb (We did have an hour of a heart ultrasound session today which was really cool-but I cannot help but feel like I am looking at a static TV screen and having to pick out various vessels and chambers...)
In conclusion...The midterm exam helped bring clarity to a lot and reaffirmed a lot in regards to how I need to proceed with the remainder of the term.
On a side note: I have had some post exam fun! (Fish market in the city-got to see more of the island, met more locals, took a few long walks on the beach-at various times during the day and have seen some amazing sunsets, swam in the ocean-favorite place to be, collected more shells, was serenaded by a rasta guitar man, tried new local food and tasted a few foods that reminded me of home, strengthened a few friendships, gone on some good runs, prayed a lot and talked with friends and mentors back home)
Talk to you in a week.
-M.H-
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Week 7
March 7, 2014
Going into midterm week...that means I have been here going on 8 weeks. Two months. 60 days. A lot of hours.
Wow.
Med school so far is like a roller coaster...first the magnitude of the ups and downs experienced on a daily basis is huge-and while the ups and downs continue everyday thereafter, their magnitude lessens little by little.
Yesterday was a good day.
Started the day out early in the lab-found my visiting professor and stuck with him all morning.
Initially spent the morning reviewing just the abdomen-repetition is the key to success here. Some people say it takes them 1000 times to finally get something-it seems to take me 1000 &1.
Took a 15 minute break for coffee and corn-it was all I made time to ingest because I wanted to return to the lab quickly. Pathetic, I know.
Returned to the lab and finished the abdomen. Feeling good about this topic (I am getting my questions right so I know this tactile learning is paying off.)
Had a one on one session with the professor on autonomics of the abdomen-which REALLY helped. During our session, other students came to ask him to demonstrate things on the cadavers to them, but he declined because he was teaching me and I really appreciated this. He said that he wanted me to understand the autonomics and based on the fact that I had come in every day and spent hours with him over the past few weeks, he would not blow me off to go teach the others.
Stayed in the lab an extra half hour after it was closed to finish reviewing the brachial plexus and forearm structures. I FINALLY began to see this area as a structured area as opposed to the bowl of spaghetti that it usually looks like. (Prime example of the "1" in 1001" )
Ended the lab session on a great note and after having been in the lab all morning, I said goodbye to the amazing visiting anatomy professor from Harvard and felt like most of my learning thus far is a direct reflection of his excellent teaching.
Spent the remainder of the day reviewing and getting questions right-finally!!!!!!!!!
Woke up today, did anatomy questions with a friend. I used to avoid these questions-but after getting through that initial painful phase of forcing myself to do something I didn’t want to do-I now know the benefit in doing them.
Went to the lab this afternoon-this was awesome! I was the ONLY one there and a mixture of enrique iglesias and maroon 5 music was playing....so that was cool! Some classmates met with me to review over the bodies together. Just before going to the lab-I put on my scrubs and just about threw up because they stunk so awfully of formaldehyde. I was literally in my room gagging while getting dressed. (But hey-that is a sign I am putting in my lab time!-It is also a sign that they must be washed asap!)
Spent a few minutes enjoying the sunshine while sitting on the dock and reviewed the brachial plexus again.
Trying to keep a positive state of mind going into midterm week and pushing myself to learn in a dense and efficient way in a timely manner. I am finally thinking things through in a manner that shows understanding of the stuff I have studied and am thankful for this-It is still hard-but progress is progress even if I feel like the turtle racing against a rabbit.
Regardless of how I do on the test this week, I want to get through it. This experience is a lot like running-I started really slow, but my endurance has progressed over time and now I keep running… and it feels good. :)
-M.H-
Monday, March 2, 2015
Week 6
March 1-2, 2015
Studying-going well and improving day by day.
All I can share is this: the things that cause me to struggle the most tend to be the things I end up enjoying-I hope this is the case with this term.
Study group last night...started late, finished late-but it was helpful and we ended the night in a really good way.
Woke up this morning, after turning my alarm off 3 times-literally rolled out of bed, put my scrubs on and went to the lab where I spent 2.5 hours learning about the lumbar plexus and the abdomen and associated nerves with my favorite visiting professor. Side note here-I really like the last name that I have-It is different and mostly memorable when compared to my first name. Most of my friends simply call me "honey" and I have grown up with this -so to me, it does not seem unusual-but others are tickled by it. Anyways...the visiting professor has been very helpful to me and recognizes me by my last name all the time-it is nice when someone sets you apart when they know you and makes an effort to acknowledge you.
Waited ALL weekend to buy some goods from the "Merry Bakers" on the top of the hill after having just tried them last Friday. They have great baked goods-it is like the Grenadian version of Nancy P's cafe in Bend-translation=excellent and fresh goods at good prices.
Went to an anatomy session this afternoon that was SO extremely helpful. The teacher pointed to and called on me at the start (this is open question/discussion style) and I am actually happy he did because my question led the majority of his hour long lecture that he spent answering what I had asked. So that was wonderful.
Went to study-chose one of the areas that I am struggling with and proceeded to struggle with it and only gain an ounce more of understanding after 2 hours. Frustrating....I am lost with how to proceed with understanding this particular area...autonomics of EVERYTHING.
Went to the anatomy lecture-good teacher who teaches as though he enjoys it (this a rare occurrence...) I have decided to start attending anatomy lectures after the midterm-I think-only because they are somewhat helpful ONLY if I come prepared having already studied before hand. It is nice to hear someone talk through something....well usually. I have only been going to the clinically related lectures or imaging focused ones to see the picture on the "big screen." Otherwise, they are not worth much in that the teacher reads off the slides shown...
Things are improving and I am thankful for that. It has taken a while to find a groove but I am finding it and am enjoying the ability to recall what I have studied.
God certainly has a way with timing and I am reminded that my timing is not necessarily what is best for me-or more importantly, Him-but rather His.
It is one step at a time...
-M.H-
Studying-going well and improving day by day.
All I can share is this: the things that cause me to struggle the most tend to be the things I end up enjoying-I hope this is the case with this term.
Study group last night...started late, finished late-but it was helpful and we ended the night in a really good way.
Woke up this morning, after turning my alarm off 3 times-literally rolled out of bed, put my scrubs on and went to the lab where I spent 2.5 hours learning about the lumbar plexus and the abdomen and associated nerves with my favorite visiting professor. Side note here-I really like the last name that I have-It is different and mostly memorable when compared to my first name. Most of my friends simply call me "honey" and I have grown up with this -so to me, it does not seem unusual-but others are tickled by it. Anyways...the visiting professor has been very helpful to me and recognizes me by my last name all the time-it is nice when someone sets you apart when they know you and makes an effort to acknowledge you.
Waited ALL weekend to buy some goods from the "Merry Bakers" on the top of the hill after having just tried them last Friday. They have great baked goods-it is like the Grenadian version of Nancy P's cafe in Bend-translation=excellent and fresh goods at good prices.
Went to an anatomy session this afternoon that was SO extremely helpful. The teacher pointed to and called on me at the start (this is open question/discussion style) and I am actually happy he did because my question led the majority of his hour long lecture that he spent answering what I had asked. So that was wonderful.
Went to study-chose one of the areas that I am struggling with and proceeded to struggle with it and only gain an ounce more of understanding after 2 hours. Frustrating....I am lost with how to proceed with understanding this particular area...autonomics of EVERYTHING.
Went to the anatomy lecture-good teacher who teaches as though he enjoys it (this a rare occurrence...) I have decided to start attending anatomy lectures after the midterm-I think-only because they are somewhat helpful ONLY if I come prepared having already studied before hand. It is nice to hear someone talk through something....well usually. I have only been going to the clinically related lectures or imaging focused ones to see the picture on the "big screen." Otherwise, they are not worth much in that the teacher reads off the slides shown...
Things are improving and I am thankful for that. It has taken a while to find a groove but I am finding it and am enjoying the ability to recall what I have studied.
God certainly has a way with timing and I am reminded that my timing is not necessarily what is best for me-or more importantly, Him-but rather His.
It is one step at a time...
-M.H-
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Week 5
February 21, 2015
I am sitting in “my place.”
Favorite Caribbean song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEG4qNW33mA
I have a place on the island that is where I can breath easy, study effectively, feel at rest and retreat to when needed at any time. I have my area that the people around know I come to often and even know my table-no one sits at my table! I feel home here… and that says a lot because I have always associated with a gypsy sort of mindset-I prefer to go to new places and never stay in one place…but given the circumstance, having found a place that is special to me in the midst of school, is nice. There are no people from the university here so I can take off my “blinders” that I wear on campus-you know the things draft horses wear that partially cover their eyes when they are walking with the carriage? Sometimes, I have to metaphorically put those on at school because it is easy to be influenced by other’s attitudes with school-in a negative way. I am learning how to have tougher skin and let things that really do not matter not penetrate my mind so easily. I think it would be accurate to say I am a resilient person in general-but I am in no way immune to chaos and challenge and subsequent struggle and negative thoughts. On a side note….the song on the radio: “bullet proof” just started playing…haha…good timing!
When I am here in my place, I do not have to be constantly filtering what people say about school-because no one talks about school here…and that is so refreshing.
Lastly, I made some big changes over the past 2 weeks and more so over this past week…these changes were a result of tough decisions and tough conversations with a variety of people whose insight and opinions matter to me. Ultimately, I made some decisions that I feel confident and at peace with regarding study strategy and how to best use my time.
Quick summary of the week:
Visited the wet lab everyday besides two days this week-learned in a tangible way all of the stuff that I have been studying.
Met an amazing visiting professor whose teaching style gels well with my learning style.
I asked him to come in this morning (Saturday) to the lab to review and 3 hours later…I can take you through the thorax, forearm and heart muscles and innervations!!
Been swimming in the mornings-no better to wake up at 07:00 than jumping into the ocean and swimming to a nearby reef/island! I have collected some cool shells and met other swimmers.
Found resources for anatomy that have been so helpful. My new best friend is the Essential Anatomy app. We spend a lot of time together.
Good verse that I read today...
Ezekiel 36:26
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.
-M.H-
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Week 4
Just breath…
I am taking the time to write this out now while the thoughts are still fresh…even though I NEED to be studying. This will be my little break for the evening.
I think it is important to write this down for the future when I will need a reminder of why I want to become a doctor because tonight was a prime example of a moment in time that I needed to capture and will come back to someday.
Just to give a little background….It has been a tough few days-I am in the trial process of testing out different ways to learn. Some things work-giving me hope-while other things don’t- disappointing me. I joined the emergency club my first week of being on campus (paid my dues-therefore committing myself) and thought this would not only be a great setting to learn in, but also because I enjoy this stuff and see it as a time to relax and learn and simply have a good time with people of similar interests. Last week I signed up for the airway management class put on by the EM club tonight and even though I have so so so SO SO SO SO much to do….(trying to suppress freaking out right now)…I just had to go to the workshop.
And am I oh so glad that I went.
We started with the basics: inserting the OPA and NPAs while working with non-rebreathers, nasal canula and bag valve masks for basic oxygen supplementation. It was a little more of what the BLS session a few weeks ago taught us. This was all good information to know and it was all necessary to move onto the advanced airway portion of the evening….INTUBATION!! :) yahooooo!!!
I have seen many intubations while working in the ER over the past few years-some by physicians who make it look like the easiest procedure and others who have shown difficulty with tube placement or patient complication. I have written countless procedure notes entailing how a ETT procedure was performed on the pt and detailing the equipment used, steps performed and how sedating/paralyzing drugs were used. This was very helpful tonight in the workshop because I was already familiar with all the equipment and terminology.
However, no amount of observation, as good as it may be, teaches in a way that parallels actual practice and performance.
Tonight-I got to intubate! (A simulator -not a real person-but a fancy simulator mind you! :) )
I could not help but stand in the exam room and think-“this is awesome!” I have stood in these rooms for a cumulative of many hours over the past few years, but to be the person performing a very advanced procedure-now that lit the fire inside me! And boy, was it about time!
Sure, the wet lab (cadaver lab) is my favorite place to be as it is interesting and I am able to work in a tactile manner to learn the body—but these little sessions are great reminders as to what I am working towards-that being patient care.
Intubating someone is not easy and that is said after having intubated a perfectly assembled non-living patient under simulated conditions. Ha. I can just imagine the faces of my ER doctor mentors who intubate a variety of people on a daily basis…
I can only image the challenge I will face when the circumstances require fast, efficient and accurate work to save someone’s life. Having observed all the intubations in the ER, my eyes would always split their time being glued to the physician intubating along with the vitals, specifically the O2 sat monitor. I always knew that by the time someone required intubation, their breathing was severely compromised and you only have so much time to fix the problem-but the facilitator at the workshop tonight put it into perspective as to how little of time you actually have to get the procedure done. He told us to hold our breath for 30 seconds and tell yourself that that is the state of the pt-not able to breath-so the sooner you can breath, the sooner your patient can receive oxygen. This coupled with a new procedure and remembering the steps and working with a team of 2 or more others, makes for a moment that flies by.
At one point, I let go of the intubation tube and looked away form the trachea before completing the procedure and my facilitator got after me for doing that…rightfully so. It comes with the territory of doing something new that things are going to go wrong and I will feel embarrassed or confused. But-this is a LEARNING environment and any pride, embarrassment of confusion needs to be addressed quickly and should be replaced with knowledge and correction. Even if it means “asking stupid questions” which I really do not believe there is such a thing…or looking like the person who does not know a single thing-there will always be a point where I will be in an uneasy situation but then there will be those times where I remember my errors and know how to avoid making them again. So, I took a mental step back, reoriented and continued with my procedure followed by re-doing the procedure to put the correct method into my muscle memory. I figure that this is my opportunity to not just learn what I did wrong, but also do the correct thing so I remember how it feels to do it right.
I sometimes fail to put myself in the patient’s place and remember that they are enduring the worst possible situation and the physician (someday me) is the one who has to be skilled to resolve the problem. Isn’t this called empathy? When I remember this, I think to myself, “get it together Merissa. All you have to do is use common sense along with what you have learned and start thinking of your next move. You are in a better off place than the distressed patient is who is looking at you.” To be honest, that is a little scary-being the one who has to know all these things-but is that not an appropriate feeling given that I am only a one month old medical student? I hope this is normal. Ha. Oh my. Maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself.
Back to the session…
All in all, I learned a lot. I learned how to intubate someone and really enjoyed this.
On a side note…I remembered why I loved being in the ER and that feeling of not knowing what will happen next, but knowing that a decision must be made-even if it is an unnerving decision.
I was reminded that fear is contagious. It can flash across the face of someone in an instant but have lingering effects that change the entire environment of the team you’re working with. This was apparent not only tonight when we were being tested on how to intubate, but also throughout the week of my studies in regards to how I am studying and coping in general. This made me think of the times when some of the advisors or students I have talked with told me that at times my facial expressions give away exactly what I am feeling. For the most part, I am unaware of this. I do not want to be so controlled that I cannot be honest, but I also do not want to be so transparent that I instill doubt into someone as opposed to faith in my abilities or attitude. I am still trying to figure this out. I have always been drawn to the people who are calm, collected and communicative. Saying this, I think it is possible to convey that I am fearful in a calm and collective manner as long as I am clear that I NEED HELP. From my observations, this is the case in the ER. The ER doc must, MUST, have some fear inside them for the sick or injured patient for which they are caring…I could be wrong, but this is my current thought on the matter. And yet, all of the doctors that I enjoyed working with, rarely became flustered-or at least showed that they were flustered. They would show when they were not pleased or when things needed to be done hastily, but they did not become overtly anxious. I say this because I have to remind myself that if I let my thoughts, which can be rapidly racing at times, to fester, they will undoubtedly show and influence how I act and how others respond to me.
School is tough. There is no way to emphasize this more unless you are sitting across from me as I say this to you. Only then, will you see that fear flash across my face (and maybe even leak out of my eyes. ;-) … BUT, I need, NEED, need to keep the mindset that there is a difference between accepting struggle vs accepting defeat. I am not ready, nor planning to accept defeat…So, that is why I had to take the time to write this, because I KNOW that there will be times when I will struggle and feel defeated but need to remember what the goal is and keep that healthy perspective. I have already had a handful of those moments.
In conclusion, this week was tough- but tonight was great.
I have specific ER doctors in my mind all the time and always think back to specific moments where I wanted nothing more than to do what they did. Well… now I have the chance to gain those abilities-I finally have what I wanted for a really long time and do not want to give it up even though it is really really really hard.
Please pray for me.
-M.H-
One month old medical student
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Week 3
February 3 2015
Struggling.
Start of week 3 of medical school.
I do not know exactly where to begin...
I went snorkeling the other weekend-it was gorgeous and fun. I went with my family who is visiting and we went to the underwater sculpture park. We took a boat out there and swam with the fish and in some beautiful water under a sky with a rainbow. Sail boats were going by....it looked like paradise.
However, do you know how much salt water I swallowed?
I feel like my time so far in regards to figuring out my learning style and learning the information has been like breathing out of a snorkel. At first I am ok, but then a large wave comes crashing over and influxes my breathing apparatus with a gallon of salt water. I choke and choke and try to get some air, but some water still lingers in the tube and the process happens repeatedly-sometimes from big waves and other times from more subtle immersions of myself into the deeper areas of the water. This is just like the feeling I have with the information being taught in class...I feel like I am on the brink of not being able to breath-but for some reason, am able to find air even for a brief yet very relieving moment. It is not a comfortable feeling but I suppose that I will never truly be comfortable-rather, I need to cope with it in a way that I can live with and maintain a sense of clarity and balance.
It has been a tough experience -not because of the information or the environment, but because I still have not quite found my rhythm of what works for me in regards to information recall-that is a very unnerving feeling. I am finding my rhythm in a piece by piece fashion-however that takes time upon which I feel like I do not have...
Someone shared this with me today...
"Just think, you're not here by chance, but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else-
you are one of a kind, you lack nothing that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here at this time in history to fulfill his special purpose for this generation."
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Ps. On a side note-my family came into my dorm today and did a complete overhaul! They organized everything and brought all the stuff that I was unable to initially bring. I am sitting in a now comfortable dorm room that smells good, is clean and has an ABUNDANCE of sticky notes everywhere from when my brother labeled all of my stuff-
I do not know where I'd be without them!
-M.H-
Struggling.
Start of week 3 of medical school.
I do not know exactly where to begin...
I went snorkeling the other weekend-it was gorgeous and fun. I went with my family who is visiting and we went to the underwater sculpture park. We took a boat out there and swam with the fish and in some beautiful water under a sky with a rainbow. Sail boats were going by....it looked like paradise.
However, do you know how much salt water I swallowed?
I feel like my time so far in regards to figuring out my learning style and learning the information has been like breathing out of a snorkel. At first I am ok, but then a large wave comes crashing over and influxes my breathing apparatus with a gallon of salt water. I choke and choke and try to get some air, but some water still lingers in the tube and the process happens repeatedly-sometimes from big waves and other times from more subtle immersions of myself into the deeper areas of the water. This is just like the feeling I have with the information being taught in class...I feel like I am on the brink of not being able to breath-but for some reason, am able to find air even for a brief yet very relieving moment. It is not a comfortable feeling but I suppose that I will never truly be comfortable-rather, I need to cope with it in a way that I can live with and maintain a sense of clarity and balance.
It has been a tough experience -not because of the information or the environment, but because I still have not quite found my rhythm of what works for me in regards to information recall-that is a very unnerving feeling. I am finding my rhythm in a piece by piece fashion-however that takes time upon which I feel like I do not have...
Someone shared this with me today...
"Just think, you're not here by chance, but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else-
you are one of a kind, you lack nothing that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here at this time in history to fulfill his special purpose for this generation."
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Ps. On a side note-my family came into my dorm today and did a complete overhaul! They organized everything and brought all the stuff that I was unable to initially bring. I am sitting in a now comfortable dorm room that smells good, is clean and has an ABUNDANCE of sticky notes everywhere from when my brother labeled all of my stuff-
-M.H-
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Week 1 of medical school
January 23 2015
BEST DAY EVER.
It has been a tough week-mentally draining and academically challenging. I will not say that I got through it-because that is not something that can be measured at this particular time. Everyday has been full of the lectures that have me lost at the get go.
But tonight was so good! We had an anatomy review after lecture and the professor gave a very realistic yet encouraging and honest talk on this first term and what we have to know and be able to do. Of course being able to do the actual work is important-but having a tough mentality is equally important because where my mind wonders-my thoughts, actions and habits will follow.
I went home after the lecture and was about to cook dinner after having gone for a run when a classmate reminded me that we would be going to anatomy wet lab (the cadaver lab) together. I thought about the anatomy instructor advising us to wait to go until we had prepared and knew what structures to look for-but decided that an hour spent with the body was more productive than 3+ hours spent with a text book and boy oh boy was I right!
That hour in the lab with the body was the BEST HOUR of this ENTIRE WEEK!
I learned so much and was able to touch and feel and test myself and others and LEARN!
That really really helped-in regards to understanding the things we're learning and gaining some confidence in studying effectively. Myself along with 4 other students taught and tested each other and found the muscles for this first week on the cadaver then found it on each other and ourselves. It was so cool! We were palpating each other and then the cadaver and flipping through the pages of our books-and subsequently spreading the scent of formaldehyde on everything outside of the cadaver :) My room smells like formaldehyde and bug spray-haha-I know it is gross but funny too. I not only sleep because I am tired but also with a mind that is at peace knowing that no bug would dare to ever enter my room. Haha.
Ever since studying the muscles this afternoon (Saturday)-I see each one as if it were on the body and know what it really looks and feels like on a person-not a piece of clean, smooth paper. Wow-I do not know how to convey the amount of relief I found when I finally started making sense of these structures. I LOVE that feeling of being able to look out and picture the muscles and tissue that we examined last night. If you were to walk by my study table-it may appear that I am staring at the island in the near distance or the catamaran sailing by-but rather a cadaver’s superficial and deep musculature of his back are what my mind and eyes are focused on (well sometimes those other things distract me :) )
Back to studying.
Psalm 20:4
May he grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.
-M.H-
Fist year medical student who is literally sitting in the storm (it is raining right now and very windy)
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Day 2
January 20
Today was a good day.
Histology lab-not the toughest-but it will require time to learn how to differentiate between all the cell types and slides...
Starting in a few days we will have to each present the slides to our respective groups and clinical tutors (who are extremely competent in this field) when called upon. This will be tough as I already performed a trial run today for my group when called upon-it was hard and I did very poorly. It is so true that doing bad or getting reprimanded really makes you try harder-I will be prepared Friday morning for my histology slide presentations! All the slides look the same-we're supposed to look at an intensely magnified image and know exactly which organ it is, the type of micrograph, the reason for dying it a certain color, the function, etc, and riddle it off within seconds to our tutor....HARD.
Histology lecture was fine today...not the most interesting-mostly pertaining to cell biology.
Biochemistry lecture was review of what I learned in undergrad-just at a fast pace and within a 2 hour time period...
After class I met up with a new study partner which ended up being the best thing that has happened all week in regards to study partners.
I then found a open and nicely air conditioned class room at the top of my dorm (about 8 flights of stairs to get to the top while carrying a 50+ pound back back) to study alone-love it here-I am here now doing biochem. There is a loud fan which really focuses me.
Met with a fantastic study group tonight for about 4 hours of histology review-it was remarkably efficient and that gave me an immense amount of hope that I can do this with the right people and help!!
Going back to biochemistry review now...and my mindset is in a much better place than it was 24 hours ago.
I CAN DO THIS! I am no longer convincing myself of this or faking that mentality but am actually believing it. Thank God.
-M.H-
First year medical student who finally got with the program
Today was a good day.
Histology lab-not the toughest-but it will require time to learn how to differentiate between all the cell types and slides...
Starting in a few days we will have to each present the slides to our respective groups and clinical tutors (who are extremely competent in this field) when called upon. This will be tough as I already performed a trial run today for my group when called upon-it was hard and I did very poorly. It is so true that doing bad or getting reprimanded really makes you try harder-I will be prepared Friday morning for my histology slide presentations! All the slides look the same-we're supposed to look at an intensely magnified image and know exactly which organ it is, the type of micrograph, the reason for dying it a certain color, the function, etc, and riddle it off within seconds to our tutor....HARD.
Histology lecture was fine today...not the most interesting-mostly pertaining to cell biology.
Biochemistry lecture was review of what I learned in undergrad-just at a fast pace and within a 2 hour time period...
After class I met up with a new study partner which ended up being the best thing that has happened all week in regards to study partners.
I then found a open and nicely air conditioned class room at the top of my dorm (about 8 flights of stairs to get to the top while carrying a 50+ pound back back) to study alone-love it here-I am here now doing biochem. There is a loud fan which really focuses me.
Met with a fantastic study group tonight for about 4 hours of histology review-it was remarkably efficient and that gave me an immense amount of hope that I can do this with the right people and help!!
Going back to biochemistry review now...and my mindset is in a much better place than it was 24 hours ago.
I CAN DO THIS! I am no longer convincing myself of this or faking that mentality but am actually believing it. Thank God.
-M.H-
First year medical student who finally got with the program
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